if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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