Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
