there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
