i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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