so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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