I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
