I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
