what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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