New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think people are normalizing furries
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