Just cropdusted the office
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
