Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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