Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
