Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
