You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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