what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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