K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
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