Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
