Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
