Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"it" just moved
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
