I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
