If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
