Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
