just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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