the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
