PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Drunk is not a location!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
