Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
