If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
