when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My liver just had a heart attack.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
