Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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