Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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