It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
