mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
