so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
