omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
