He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
