cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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