You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
