I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
