there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
