let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
