Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I need moral support for this bender
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
