yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
