I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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