It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
