I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This is the high leading the old right now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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