Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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