My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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