Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
