I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
