Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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