Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
