She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
